Blame it on Me - A real life black comedy

Epilogue: A grand illusion of democracy

2008-12-17T19:24:00.000-08:00

I had often wondered at the oft-quoted statement by our politicians and the media alike;that USA is the greatest democracy and India is the largest democracy in the world. Some bigwig went to the extent of declaring that USA and India are natural allies,because of their shared democratic values. In the beginning, I took the statement at its face value. As my hair turned greyer, I began to feel that something was amiss about this observation. I decided to put my thinking cap on...

Full Chapter (pdf)

Chapter (5.00): It is a mad mad world; my travails of travel

2008-12-17T19:22:00.000-08:00

I have had the opportunity to travel all over the world, in the course of my professional career as also on vacation. I would like to narrate some of my experiences, while I was traveling abroad.

(5.01) Italian Chronicles:

As I was planning my trip to Italy, a few of my friends cautioned me that I must be careful while traveling in Italy. Firstly, I must be weary of petty thieves hanging around every street corner, picking pockets. Secondly, I must be on the alert at tourist spots, as some one is sure to play the most unexpected trick on you.

Following is the list of precautions:

Keep your money at three different places, equally divided, so that you have some money left for your food at least and do not have to beg on the streets, until rescue arrives.
In addition, one must keep the address and contact numbers of the nearest Indian consulate, just in case.
Do not trust even an “Angel” with wings...

More (pdf)

Chapter (4.00) The Banks; The history of half a century

2008-12-17T19:21:00.000-08:00

(4.01) The Bank and the virtual queue

The other day, my wife requested me to drive her to the Bank where she had a locker facility in their safe deposit vault, which she wanted to operate immediately. She needed some jewelry urgently, which she wanted to wear on the day of some family wedding ceremony scheduled in a month’s time. I readily agreed. I love to visit Banks, as I find them to be a great source of entertainment, free of cost. One of the sources of amusement is how the queue operates at the single window cash counter. We reached the locker room at the bank, after completing the requisite formalities. I took a bet with my wife, that I would most certainly spot a big hole in the Bank before we leave, not a physical hole in their iron safe of cash, but a major flaw in their system. As my wife was busy in the safe deposit vault, I walked up to my favorite spot; the single window cash counter where the trouble generally is.

Retrospect: In my experience, the queue at any counter at a Bank is more virtual than real. The customers do not believe in forming physical queues. The beast in them...

More (pdf)

Chapter (03.00) : A foreigner infant baby

2008-08-19T17:21:00.000-07:00

Recently, I along with my wife spent a few months with my son and his family located in USA. On our return journey, we brought our infant grand daughter, an American citizen by birth, along with us to the city of Hyderabad, India. Her VISA stipulated that no registration is required for her stay in India up to a period of 6 months. We have our air tickets to USA, according to which her stay in India would exceed the stipulated period by just one week. I would not take any chances with Indian bureaucracy for love or money and decided to register her arrival. Therefore, I have a task cut out for me. I gather from an acquaintance of mine, that we have to register the foreigner’s arrival at the office of the Police Commissioner, Hyderabad. As was usual, I warned myself that such a task, though looks very simple on the face of it, cannot be done as easily as one would like to believe. Lo and behold, we are dealing here with public servants also known as bureaucrats who have morphed into our Imperial Masters. I was also not sure ...

Full chapter (pdf)

Chapter (02.00) Trigger of my Enlightenment: My telephone line

2008-08-18T17:17:00.000-07:00

I saw, a nearly half a page newspaper advertisement in the Hindu dated 28th March, 2008 by BSNL that they are offering various internet broadband packages at low prices. I am sure that they had advertised similarly on many other major newspapers in India and many more times. My guess is that it is a multi million-dollar advertisement campaign. The prospective customers were egged on to call a toll free number 1 800 424 1600 for help. My BSNL Landline has been dead for nearly 3 weeks. I had registered a complaint with BSNL manual system, as there was a problem with the automated fault registration system. When I dialed the automated fault booking system number, the cold machine responded thus; “Thank you for using BSNL service.” without bothering to ask me about the nature of my problem or even my telephone number. I tried again, in vain. The machine insisted on thanking me once more profusely for using BSNL service; for reasons best known to it. If it were a human being, I would have personally met him to satisfy my curiosity as to why he had thanked me. Perhaps the BSNL’s man and the machine feel a necessity or obligation ...

Full chapter (pdf)

Chapter (01.00) Prologue: Enlightenment

2008-08-17T17:16:00.000-07:00

I attained enlightenment of a new kind when I crossed over into the wrong side of 60; or I would like to believe that it is the wiser side of 60! This illumination impelled me to write this book, on my experiences of comic kind. All through my life, until date, I was inclined to think that I must be somewhat crazy; and had the knack of inviting problems and getting into trouble all the time. I surmise that, after considerable experience and research, this malady is not ingrained in my personal genes, but is in the genetic makeup of the society I live in. I retired recently and indulged in some introspection, besides watching the world go by which does not appear to follow any logical pattern. It seems that no one is concerned about anyone else in his or her quest to achieve some target or the other. In my case, I have achieved all my planned targets during my active years and now have some valuable assets to protect; but find that I would have been happier had I achieved only age ...

Full chapter (pdf)

2008-08-16T17:16:00.000-07:00

(1.00) Prologue: Enlightenment
(2.00) Trigger of my Enlightenment: My telephone line
(3.00) A foreigner infant baby
(4.00) The Banks: the history of half a century
(5.00) It is a mad mad world: My travails of travel
(6.00) US Calling
(7.00) Some mothers do 'Ave 'Em!
(8.00) Days of innocence
(9.00) Internet: No one hears you scream on the internet
(10.0) Bureaucracy and the silence of the lambs
(11.00) Real estate
(12.00) Calling NRIs (Non-resident Indians)
(13.00) A kids perspective
(14.00) Epilogue: A grand illusion of democracy

Preface

2008-08-15T14:17:00.000-07:00

The scriptures got it perfectly right. The unfolding of the universe is nothing but ‘Lila’ or ‘Divine Play’. Lila is an apt metaphor for the dream-like reality that we experience on a daily basis. We sometimes make futile attempts to run away from it, but it doggedly pursues us with all its paradoxes, contradictions and futilities. Despite all its quirks, life is a source of never-ending creativity and surprises, which we should all tap into, to the fullest.

The idea of this book has lain dormant for many years. All the experiences described in this book were related to me by my father at various points in the last 20 years. While I thoroughly enjoyed the stories, I felt somewhat uneasy that all these experiences, if left unwritten would eventually just vanish into a void ...

Full preface (pdf)